Trump 2.0: Return of the Sharpie King

With classic President Camacho flair, Donald Trump kicks off his second term and sets the stage for four years of reality TV governance.

At the outset, can we just ask one question: Is Mike Judge a prophet?

It’s President Trump’s first full day of his second term in office and it already feels like President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho is in the White House.

After being sworn in on Capitol Hill, Trump delivered his inaugural address in which he he promised that we, as a nation, will do the following in the next four years:

• restore America's promise

• rebuild the nation that we love

• be a nation like no other

• be prosperous

• be proud

• be strong

• win, like never before

• not be conquered

• not be intimidated

• not be broken

• not fail

• be a free, sovereign, and independent nation

• stand bravely

• live proudly

• dream boldly

• end acne and car sickness

That’s quite the to-do list (oh, and that last one’s a joke but how could you tell, right?)!

To give his new administration a head start, Trump was symbolically escorted from Capitol Hill to Capital One stadium, which was conveniently packed with 20,000 of his most ardent supporters. He then proceeded to sign a slew of much-anticipated executive orders, which included:

• renaming the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of Uhmerica

• ending birthright citizenship

• declaring a “national emergency” at the southern border

• withdrawing from the Paris climate agreement

• withdrawing from the World Health Organization

• ending the weaponization of the federal government

• recognizing two sexes

• barring the government censorship of American citizens’ constitutionally protected speech

The list was much longer than that, but you can read about the rest elsewhere. For fun, we challenge you to search ‘Trump executive orders’ on Google News and read the apoplectic responses in the mainstream media. It’s a laugh, if you have the stomach for it. If you don’t, stock up on Pepto Dismal, because the next four years are going be abdominally challenging.

As part of the spectacle, Trump signed his executive orders with giant branded Sharpie markers, tossing each one into the adoring crowd like a rock star distributing keepsakes. While he missed the opportunity to go full President Camacho with a t-shirt cannon, there’s still plenty of time for his signature showmanship to evolve. Maybe next time he can consider some pyrotechnics or a stage dive into the mosh pit?

One thing’s for certain: we’ve entered a strange new chapter for America. It somehow feels equal parts satire and ‘reality TV,’ minus any semblance of reality. The country has four more years to brace for what comes next — and if yesterday’s events are any indication, we’re all in for a wild ride. Buckle up.

Trump’s return to the Oval Office, buoyed by a base more fervent than ever, promises a mix of relentless sound bites, sweeping (and polarizing) policies, and a continuous stream of media hysteria. Love him or loathe him, Trump’s presidency will be nothing if not eventful. But don’t worry Not Sure Elon is here to fix “everything.”

(For the love of God, if you don’t recognize the references to Mike Judge, President Camacho, or Not Sure, we beg of you, drop everything you’re doing, sit yourself down in front of a TV, and rent, stream, or steal Idiocracy — the 2006 comedy-turned-documentary — to understand where all this is headed.)

---